Whilst writing this review not long after hearing the song for the first time, I came to realise a few things: firstly, that for something often viewed as just so much populism, you can never really overanalyse a Madonna single enough; and secondly, that it feels great to just nail a review. With the upcoming release of her third greatest hits collection - probably the most redundant, but soon perhaps the most definitive - I thought a Madonna retrospective deserved a deeper look; and if nothing else, to have some fun doing it. So sit back and relax as I review all 74 official Madonna singles and their videos in the 47 days until Celebration’s release haha yeah, eventually.

Oh, and Iconography was far too good a name to let go - it may not have ended up the name of the compilation, but it at least titles this blog as a consolation prize.

(we’ll start at the actual beginning after this review, which’ll be updated with the benefit of hindsight after the other 73 singles…)

Album: Celebration (2009)
Songwriters: Madonna/Paul Oakenfold/Ian Green/Ciaran Gribbin
Producers: Madonna/Paul Oakenfold

A song that inexplicably manages to become way more than the sum of its not-particularly-auspicious parts - the Holiday-throwback chord progression, average vocals in the verse and blatantly mid-’90s Eurodance sound via Paul Oakenfold (Madonna being too busy undercutting the scene’s superficiality with Ray of Light the first time around). The secret? Its lightweight feel - shedding the “worship the queen” baggage and the heavier, somewhat emotional pull on Hard Candy and Confessions on a Dance Floor respectively. And that straight-outta-Everybody spoken bridge - perfectly designed for inducing hot flushes in the listener.

It’s been said that Madonna would NEVER have made it big had she been an anonymous popstar releasing 4 Minutes as her first single. But for Celebration, the idea’s surprisingly conceivable. She has to be congratulated for doing the impossible - coming full circle WITHOUT writing Holiday Part 2. I look forward to her upcoming familiarly titled singles “Starlight, Star Bright” and “Pushing My Love”…

From the album Madonna (1983)
Featured on You Can Dance (1987), Celebration (2009)
Written by Madonna
Produced by Mark Kamins

As the very first single from one of the most successful artists of all time, Everybody carries surprisingly little clout. And yet, the Madonna creation story tells of her apparent mythological ability to walk into a club, hand the DJ the original demo and instantly drive the unfamiliar crowd wild. And that wasn’t all she gave him - that DJ, Mark Kamins, became her boyfriend and produced the single, pre-debut album. However true the story, the drive was there from the beginning.

Musically, though, Everybody is merely serviceable dance-pop, hardly inspired - written solely by Madonna after fronting less successful New York rock bands, it’s hooky, if a little amateurish. Thankfully omitted from the Immaculate Collection - it would easily have been the worst song there - Madonna’s team had no such qualms with Celebration’s tracklist. Still, its legacy should be obvious to any listener: the first of many Madonna singles to command people to the dancefloor, but far from the best.

Truly appreciating Madonna’s artistry requires an understanding of her cultural context, but one thing that seems to have been completely lost in translation over the past 26 years is the misconception, early in her career, that Madonna was a black artist. With post-“disco sucks” dance-pop/R&B only just experiencing a post-Thriller resurgence at the time, it was still largely the field of black artists, to the extent that Sire Records tried to downplay Madonna’s race to secure radio play (just look at the single cover, or the hideous stock photo originally used for Holiday). But speaking for my generation, born well after her debut, I can’t even remotely comprehend how anyone could hear her voice and conclude that she was black - that girlishness was a far cry from the late, great Teena Marie.

YouTube / Dailymotion

Director: Ed Steinberg

There’s little to say about the music video, which existed partially to prove that Madonna in fact wasn’t black. Naturally, such a small budget led to equally little promo/airplay - but it proved popular in certain nightclubs that played videos.

From the album Madonna (1983)
Featured on Celebration (2009)
Written by Madonna
Produced by Reggie Lucas

Now, this is really something. Though it was left off the Immaculate Collection, Burning Up is the perfect summary of Madonna’s artistic intent and musical ability whilst still a rising star. Even without Monte Pittman’s shredding on the 2004 Re-Invention Tour or the Stooges’ swagger at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the song undoubtedly rocks. The use of synth bass/programmed drums in lieu of an actual band may be typically ’80s, but through Madonna’s sheer force of personality, it hasn’t dated one bit. In her songwriting and vocals, Burning Up captures better than any other song her then-attitude - every bit the aural equivalent of her intense, determined stare on her debut album’s cover portrait. Beyond being the only pop song ever to rhyme “position” with “imposition”, Madonna’s lyrical delivery is intimidatingly direct - her self-empowerment just as convincing whether or not she had the world’s attention.

YouTube / Yahoo

Beyond the limited budget resulting in some truly Lynchian weirdness - statues’ eyes lighting up? Goldfish? Extreme close-ups? Inconsistent aspect ratios? Unnecessarily slanted images? Disembodied eyes and lips? The Gary Numan/Adam Ant hybrid boyfriend driving a car across a lake? - the music video is quintessentially feminist. That is, once it decides to be; right at the end, Madonna replaces her boyfriend at the wheel of the car, signifying that she’d been in control the whole time. Madonna’s brand of feminism is one that values, and in fact, cannot exist without men - and though she’s willing to please, in the end, she pursues her own desires. Far from submissive, it’s entirely empowering - pornstars would say the same thing. Yet unlike them or countless manufactured popstars since, Madonna had something to say on the issue - she was sexy, but never a sex object, even if Robert Christgau did call the Burning Up single “electroporn” as a compliment.

In practical terms, though, Burning Up is really about us, the public - and Madonna’s demand for our love and attention. The way she sings the bridge:

“Do you wanna see me down on my knees?
Or bending over backwards now, would you be pleased?
Unlike the others, I’d do anything
I’m not the same, I have no shame
I’m on fire”

You’d think the strength of her will alone could make it happen. Burning Up is a premonition of greatness - yet itself quite unlike anything else she’d ever do.

From the album Madonna (1983)
Featured on You Can Dance (1987), Ciao Italia: Live from Italy (1988), The Immaculate Collection (1990), The Girlie Show ~ Live Down Under (1994), Drowned World Tour 2001, I’m Going to Tell You a Secret (2006), Celebration (2009)
Written by Curtis Hudson/Lisa Stevens
Produced by John “Jellybean” Benitez

Madonna’s first big hit and breakthrough single - could it be any more obvious why? Holiday’s perfect combination of groove (the bassline is truly a work of art) and catchy melody makes it a defining work in the dance-pop genre. It was great enough that the “assembly-line” hit single factory Stock Aitken Waterman would even use near-identical chord progressions in many of their songs four years later, from Kylie Minogue’s I Should Be So Lucky (just the first time she’d follow in Madonna’s footsteps, hah) to Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up. Holiday’s lightweight, breezy feel allows it to spread its universal “let love shine” message of celebration with as much sincerity as the likes of We Are the World, with many times the subtlety. At the same time, this makes it more inherently disposable than ANY other Madonna song, partly due to having been written by outside songwriters. Yet this only seems to have increased its appeal - for the song’s significance to her career now extends far beyond the original single. As a near-staple of her live tours, the way she performs it generally reflects her feelings at the time - see the oddly commanding, militaristic Re-Invention Tour version documented on I’m Going to Tell You a Secret. Still, in its disposability, the studio recording says next to nothing about Madonna as an artist, except that she adapted herself rather well to a song intended for/rejected by Mary Wilson of the Supremes. But who cares? - Holiday is an undisputed classic, regardless.

The music video, however, is tragically bad, and never officially released for that reason - Madonna and her backup dancers (including brother Christopher) simply perform rather daggy dance moves through an absurdly exaggerated psychedelic filter. Much more interesting is Madonna’s 1983 appearance on American Bandstand - her first ever televised live performance. Though it’s lipsynced as usual for such shows at the time, Madonna is genuinely captivating as, alone without choreography, she struts her stuff surrounded by a studio audience. A natural center of attention, her energy is infectious; the resulting cheers actually disproportionately enthusiastic for the kind of performers one would usually get on such shows. The interview afterwards is the source of one of THE classic Madonna quotes, as shown in a slightly edited form at her Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction:

“We are a couple of weeks into the new year; what do you hope will happen, not only in 1984, but for the rest of your professional life - what are your dreams, what’s left?”
“To rule the world.”

For a twenty-five-year-old then-one-hit-wonder, that’s either an admirably courageous or absurdly egotistic statement, but to actually achieve, maintain and surpass it for another twenty-five years is what makes that moment the stuff of legend. Perhaps, considering all that was to follow, it wasn’t so pretentious at all. Many other popstars who followed in Madonna’s wake talked the talk, but could they walk the walk?

Albums: Madonna (1983), The Immaculate Collection (1990), Celebration (2009)
Songwriter/producer: Reggie Lucas

Easily the highlight of Madonna’s first album - not quite dance but certainly too fast to be a ballad, Borderline’s dance/pop/soul hybrid of styles is about as stylistically universal as pop music gets. Simply, the songwriting and production are strong enough that only the main keyboard patch playing the lead comes across as dated. As a result, Borderline is possibly the most relevant of Madonna’s earliest hits today - see the recent reinterpretations by Duffy (impromptu, but unforgivably terrible), Counting Crows (very country-twang but surprisingly great), the Flaming Lips (fascinating) and even Madonna herself on the Sticky & Sweet Tour (which rocks straight power chords at the expense of any melodic subtlety). But none of them even approach definitive - for many reasons, but the strength of Madonna’s original vocal can’t be denied. How she was ever maligned as a singer overall is beyond me; the average person attempting Borderline at karaoke is doomed to failure. Madonna soars over the top of the synths and piano - just strongly enough that the longing in her voice never overpowers the song’s emotional content. As much as the album succeeds at its dance-pop aims, Borderline was the first hint that Madonna was something more than just another popstar.

YouTube / MySpace

What a difference a budget makes. Borderline’s video, a captivating slice of ’80s imagery, is all about duality. The street-smart Madonna and her Latino boyfriend make for a distressingly good-looking couple, but in the pursuit of fame, she takes her relationship with a hilariously British-looking photographer beyond the professional. Boyfriend (filmed in colour) becomes resentful, Madonna inexplicably spray-paints British dude’s car at a photoshoot, realises that true love (or good looks, hah) outweighs fame. Boyfriend takes her back (who could stay mad at a girl THAT good-looking?!), suggestively teaches her to play pool, the end. Though the message (ironically reversed from the lyrics, where Madonna’s lover is to blame) is clear, the video’s setpieces can easily be watched as a mere series of glamourous images. What’s not to love?